Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
