I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
