I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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