how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
