I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
and you fell through a lawn chair
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
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