ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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