Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Randomize
