Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
