Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Randomize
