Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
