he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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