My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
