I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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