He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
When did angry sex become our thing?
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
