well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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