been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
