grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
