here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
