i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Randomize
