Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I faked an abortion last night.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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