Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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