thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
