Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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