Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
i already hear my dad disowning me
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
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