I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
