every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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