it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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