why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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