we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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