Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
