Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
