i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
