that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Randomize
