What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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