So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Randomize
