just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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