I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
