Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
