i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
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