Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
There's always time for handjobs
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
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