Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
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