Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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