She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
