do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I cut my penus on the lid.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
