Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Come share oat with me in your robe
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
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