I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I need water and some morals
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
