hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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