i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
