Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
