How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
