is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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