"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
