i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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