Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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