i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
