u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
